


Our Dear Darling

by Carryonmywaywardlester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Adoption, Multi, Trigger Warnings, mention of a minor character dying, mentions of class A drugs, parent!phan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 10:16:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11102454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carryonmywaywardlester/pseuds/Carryonmywaywardlester
Summary: Dan and Phil finally get the baby they've always craved.





	Our Dear Darling

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to give a big shoutout to @snowbunnylester for acting as my beta on this story. You helped make this great, so thank you so so much. Go give her a follow on tumblr, and here on AO3, cos she's an amazing, talented writer.

The day had finally come. It was the day they were finally bringing home their daughter. 

The adoption process had been long and arduous. Dan and Phil had both had to go through so many various different checks, and fill out a veritable mountain of forms, but they’d known that if they were deemed successful, it would all be completely worth it. 

And worth it, it was, for on their first try, they were granted the adoption of a little boy. His name was Bradley Jay, and he was 2 months old. Dan and Phil had only, so far, seen pictures of the little guy, and the first time they saw a picture of him, they fell in love. 

“This is him, that’s our son, Phil,” Dan had announced excitedly, as Dan turned the laptop more to the left so Phil could see better. 

“Oh my God, Dan, he’s such a gorgeous little guy! You’re right, he’s our son,” replied Phil in a voice thick with emotion. 

Dan and Phil looked at each other, and started to cry. Once they’d calmed down enough, they both rung their families to share the good news that their parents were about to become grandparents. Both sets of parents were very excited, and cooed over the picture that Dan and Phil had been sent. 

After they’d confirmed they like to take Bradley on as their own, Dan and Phil excitedly started kitting out the nursery. They painted the walls a soft apple green, hung white blackout curtains at the window, built a pure white cot, chest of drawers, and changing station. Phil even went as far as buying a white wooden rocking chair to put by the window - as much as Dan teased him about it at the time, once it was built, Dan loved it just as much, causing Phil to lightly dig Dan in the ribs. When it came to clothes shopping, Dan and Phil were really excited - Dan especially. He spent ages putting little outfits together to dress their son in. 

“Oh my God, Phil look at this!” Dan exclaimed over and over until they left the shop with a huge plastic carrier full of clothes, vests, onesies, socks, t-shirts, muslins, and little booties. 

“I think it’s done,” said Dan as he looked around the room. 

“I think so too,” replied Phil, as he threaded his fingers in Dan’s. “Now we wait for the big day.” 

“Now we wait.” 

That is, until it all fell apart. 

The birth mother, had, at the very last minute, changed her mind, and demanded the child back from the foster home he was currently living in. 

When the news came both Dan and Phil were completely crushed. 

“Dan, Phil, this is Diane, I’m so so sorry to have to tell you this, but Bradley is going back to his birth mother,” the social worker had rushed to explain. 

The phone slipped from twenty-four year old Dan’s limp hand, as his knees gave way, and he collapsed - heartbreaking sobs wrenching from his chest. Phil, automatically picked up the phone, thanked Diane for the call, and merely hung up before he to, crashed down beside his sobbing husband and wrapped his arms tightly around Dan’s waist to start sobbing himself. 

“We’ve lost him, we’ve lost him,” chanted Dan over and over like a mantra. 

After the phone call, a couple of days later, a letter arrived from Social Services rescinding their offer of adoption on Bradley Jay. Then came the hardest part of all - telling everybody that Bradley wasn’t to be theirs after all, that the baby’s mother had changed her mind. Disbelief, anger, and upset had been the reactions of everyone who knew about the adoption. Dan grew tired of hearing the word ‘sorry’ and in the end had to leave Phil to the arduous task of telling people. Dan felt like he wanted to launch his phone at a wall if he heard that word uttered one more time. 

Despite the heartbreaking news, neither man could bear to take the nursery apart. So the door remained firmly shut - a room that would never be looked upon again, a door that when walked past, would be ignored as if it weren’t even there. 

Time very slowly healed their broken hearts. As the months flew by, each man found a way to cope. Dan became more outgoing than ever, his smile became more honeyed, his laugh, louder, but nothing could hide the hurt that laid deep in his big chocolate coloured eyes. The fans respectfully enough, chose not to ask questions, but were all too aware that something had happened, and speculated over it on Tumblr, but no one had the gall to ask outright. They all knew that if they waited patiently enough, Dan would eventually explain. 

Phil, meanwhile, pretended nothing had happened. Outwardly, he appeared to be his sweet and sunny self, only his voice seemed a little softer, and his smile had an edge of sadness to it. A couple of fans - one of which had had a baby with them, posted on Twitter that they’d been fortunate enough to have run into AmazingPhil in the street, and when he’d been introduced to the baby, his eyes had filled with tears - causing Phil to abruptly say his goodbyes, and leave. This caused a lot of speculation, but still no one asked, because everyone had figured it out by then, and their hearts all broke for the two men that they loved. 

It took two years, but eventually the pain became easier to manage. Dan and Phil had accepted the situation, and tentatively they talked about trying to adopted again. They didn’t want to give up altogether on the idea of being a family, but this time, they promised each other they wouldn’t get their hopes up so high, that they would take things slowly. They were in a happier place, a tour achieved, and they were ready. Ready to try again. 

Dan placed a call to their social worker. 

“Hi, Diane, it’s Dan Howell,” said Dan nervously. 

“Dan! How delightful to hear from you. How are you? and how is Phil?” asked Diane softly. She’d seen the two guys fallout from the previous time, knew why they would be calling now, and wondered if it was too soon. 

“We’re both doing a lot better than we were, thank you,” smiled Dan truthfully. 

“Good, I’m glad to hear you say that, Dan,” replied Diane compassionately. She didn’t always have a lot of time for adoptive families, but Dan and Phil had endeared themselves so much, she couldn’t help but find them both totally charming. 

“The reason I’m calling is because we’d like to try again,” said Dan in a nervous rush of words. 

“Okay, let me just find your file on the system, just a moment.” 

“Okay,” said Dan as he squeezed Phil’s hand tighter. 

As the line went quiet, and all Dan could hear was the faint sound of keyboard keys clicking, terror began clawing its way up his throat. Were they making the right decision? Could they really do this again? Panic was gripping Dan’s chest, and the corners of his vision began to go black. 

Phil, realising that Dan was on the verge of having a panic attack already, and he’d only fallen silent thirty seconds ago, quickly slipped an arm around Dan’s shoulder, his long fingers rubbing small circles on the top of his arm. Whispering reassuring words into Dan’s ear also helped to remind him that they were doing the right thing trying again. 

“Ah, here we go, Howell-Lester. Let me see. So do I need to update your preferences, or are you still happy for it to be a boy or a girl? Are you still happy for the child to be any age?” asked the social worker. 

“Yes, those preferences still stand,” replied Dan. 

“Okay, let me run through the rest of your details, and then I can start looking for a suitable child.” 

Dan hung up the phone several moments later. Now all they could do was wait… 

**

A month had past before Diane phoned them back with a possible candidate. A baby girl had just been placed into the hands of Social Services. The child was, unfortunately, drug dependent, due to her mother having been a heroin addict. The child was currently receiving the treatment required, and was making some progress, but it would be at least another month, possibly two, before Dan and Phil would be allowed to bring her home. 

“How do you both feel about this?” asked Diane of them both when she came to see them later that day. 

“We’d like to meet her, if possible,” said Phil quietly. 

Dan, meanwhile, looked as if he could quite cheerfully kill the birth mother. He was aware of babies being born to drug-addled mothers - and as far as Dan was concerned, they were lower than scum and deserved to have their tubes tied to stop them from reproducing. 

“Dan?” asked Diane softly. 

“The bitch won’t be able to get her hands on the child ever again, right?” asked Dan harshly. 

Phil looked at his husband in shock, he’d never heard Dan be as callous as that before, no matter the provocation. 

Diane merely smiled sympathetically. 

“No, Dan, she won’t. She was found overdosed in Hyde Park by a pair of community wardens. They only just saved the child. The mother wasn’t as fortunate, and died on the operating table,” replied Diane reverently. 

“Good!” 

“Dan! oh my God, you can’t say that,” said Phil in shock. 

“I’m sorry, Phil, but it’s no more than she deserves. She was a drug addict, she could have got clean, but she didn’t. She chose her path,” Dan said passionately. 

Phil just stared in surprise. This was a new side to Dan. Phil wasn’t one-hundred percent sure he liked what he was hearing. Could his Dan really be that cold? But also somewhere inside of Phil, he had to agree with what Dan had said, not that Phil would ever say anything like that aloud himself. 

Diane gently cleared her throat, reminding them both that she was still there. 

“I can arrange for you to meet her at the hospital,” said Diane, back to her business like tone. 

“What’s the child's name?” asked Phil suddenly. 

“She doesn’t have an official name as of yet. The nurses at the unit have called her Jane for now. It’ll be up to you if you wish to keep that name or not,” said Diane. 

“Right, I’ll just phone the unit and get a progress update, and see when is a good time for you to visit.” 

Both Dan and Phil excused themselves from the living room. Once in the kitchen, Phil pulled Dan into a tight embrace. 

“I can’t believe you said that, Dan,” chided Phil softly. 

“I’m sorry for my outburst, I just get so angry. It’s lucky there’s people like us who are willing to adopt, otherwise I dread to think what would happen to these kids,” said Dan quietly, a tear escaping his eyes. 

Using his thumbs, Phil wiped the tears off Dan’s cheeks, and gently kissed his husband. 

“I know, Dan, I know.” 

**

At four o'clock the next day, Dan and Phil climbed out of a taxi at the hospital and made their way to the lifts that would take them to the neonatal unit. Here they met Diane, the Doctor in charge of baby Jane’s care, as well as the team of nurses. 

The girl was small at only a month old. She still only weighed in at eight pounds, but she had big blue eyes, with a hint of grey to them, and a dowdy tuft of soft chocolate coloured hair. She was slightly restless. The doctor suggested Dan try having some skin-to-skin time with the child. 

Nervously, Dan removed his t-shirt and sat back against the reclining chair. Once comfortable, baby Jane was placed gently on his chest. Immediately the child nuzzled against his warm body and fell asleep. Phil could only stare in awe, as Dan gently cuddled the little mite on his chest, a wave of emotion hitting him like a truck that made him crouch down beside the chair and gently stroke the child’s head. 

“What do you want to call her?” whispered Phil. 

“Beth, I want to call her Beth,” said Dan in certainty. 

“Why Beth?” asked Phil. 

“Why not?” countered Dan. 

“I was thinking, Emily,” Phil countered back. 

“We know too many Emily’s, Phil. Besides, you always get to choose, how about letting your loving husband have a turn,” said Dan dramatically. 

This just caused Phil to roll his eyes at Dan, before turning his attention back to the baby laying on Dan’s chest. Phil just stared at the tiny girl, marvelling at her tiny little fingers, and her short stubby cute little nose, how she snuffled slightly as she slept peacefully. 

“Mister Howell-Lester?” asked a voice that disturbed the peace that had settled over the three of them. 

“Yes?” said both Dan and Phil together. 

“Hi, my name is Doctor Matthews,” said the man as he held out a hand to shake. “I believe once baby Jane leaves us, you’re considering adopting her, is that correct?” 

“No considering about it, we will be adopting her,” said Dan as he gently brushed her cheek with a soft finger. 

“Okay, gentlemen, Diane has given me the go ahead to explain the entire situation to you,” said Doctor Matthews. 

At once the Doctor began. 

He explained that the child’s mother had been a heavy heroin user, and as such, when the child was born and the umbilical cord had been cut, the baby had been forced to effectively go ‘cold turkey.’ She’d been as rigid as a board at birth, and at first, her cries had been cries of pain. 

Dan became distress at this. His heart almost broke at the thought of this poor little lady having to endure something as cruel as that at mere hours old. Phil could only rub Dan’s arm as both of Dan’s hands were protectively clutching the small bundle on his chest. Phil himself felt wracked, why would any mother do that to their unborn child? Tears filled Phil’s eyes as the Doctor continued. 

Because of the high dosages her mother had taken, they were having to administer the same to the baby, but cut it down a small amount day by day, until she was totally weaned. 

If Dan hadn’t had the baby laying on his chest he would have been ranting and raving over the injustice of it all. She was an innocent child, for God’s sake! Phil sucked in a sharp breath of shock, they were having to give a baby heroin? By now the tears were pouring thick and fast down Phil’s face; his heartbreaking within his chest. 

 

Each day to start with had been a battle to feed the baby. Either she refused to take the bottle, or she would feed and then be sick straight after - which was why she was still so small. Her stools could be very loose and watery some days. She had also been extremely restless, as they’d witnessed for themselves - and yet, despite all of this, Dan and Phil were assured that she was nowhere as bad as she been three weeks prior. Treatment was almost over now, the doctor’s predicted another two weeks, and the child would be free. 

“If you keep visiting regularly, and keep up with the ‘kangaroo care’ that would be great,” finished Doctor Matthews. 

“Kangaroo care?” asked Phil. 

“The skin-to-skin contact,” smiled the Doctor. “In fact, let’s do a swap now.” 

A nurse took the baby from Dan’s chest and allowed him to move. Dan got up and stretched, his back clicking deliciously.

“Come on then, move your backside, Daniel let this daddy have a turn,” joked Phil as a way to cover how excited, yet terrified he was to be holding the baby.

“Excited much, Philip?” quipped Dan. “Anyway how come you get to be daddy?” 

Phil felt a thrill of terror fly down his spine as he quickly sat down and pulled his t-shirt off and got comfortable. Could he really do this? Could he actually hold a baby and not drop it? Phil’s heart rate sped up the moment the baby was gently placed on Phil’s chest. A feeling of complete contentment swept through his body and he relax. It was Dan’s turn to watch in awe as Phil took his turn to cuddle the little girl. A watery smile lit up Dan’s features, as he watched the love of his life hold their adopted daughter. 

Finally Phil replied looking at Dan. “I’ve always wanted to be a daddy, Dan.” The look on Phil’s face said it all, and Dan knew in that moment he was completely and utterly defeated. 

**

Two weeks passed quickly. Everyday, Dan and Phil visited the hospital to see their daughter, now christened Beth. The child was now free of the drugs, and she’d put on half a pound in the previous week - which delighted both the staff and the fathers. Diane had processed the adoption quickly, and on the day they were to bring the child home, Diane handed over the adoption certificate. 

“Congratulations, Dan and Phil. You are officially Beth’s daddies,” smiled Doctor Matthews. 

Both Dan and Phil smiled hugely at each other. Both of their eyes were wet, as a nurse handed them their daughter. 

“Would you like a photograph?” asked a nurse. 

“Yes, we would, thank you,” said Phil as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened the camera. 

The nurse took a bunch of pictures, and handed the phone back to Phil. Once that was done, Phil gently placed the sleeping girl into her car seat for the journey home. 

At last, they were a family, or at least, the start of a one…


End file.
